a white blanket and NPR

Usually I write first thing, early in the morning when I am feeling inspired refreshed and hopeful of the day that is before me--but in this moment, a 'night-rant' is overdue and just the ticket for me.

I have this weird affinity for NPR. It doesn't matter what is playing whether it be Car Talk, Speaking of Faith, or the horrendous hours in late night/early morning radio when they play 'classical' pieces that one might expect in an old timey black and white film or an episode of the three stooges--whatever is on, good or bad, I like it. It calms me when I'm restless, it makes me laugh when I have no other reason (like right after prepping banana chocolate chip muffins that did NOT turn out as I had hoped! grrr)

It fills the room.

I've been thinking a lot lately about what fills the room...what fills the void in my day (when there is void)? what fills the cracks? what fills the space? what is it in life that fills?

There have been distinct times in my life when I know that God is about to do something big. Times when I have felt the tremors in the ground before the quake. Times when I've felt the first drops of rain before monsoon floods. These times stand out because my life has been changed by them. real change, not pseudo change-today-gone-tomorrow-kind of change, but change in the true since of the word.

I feel like the lines that divide my life into bits and pieces (home-life, family, education, career, finance, appearance, friends, etc) are blurring. Why have lines been drawn to begin with? Are not all things present, past, and future His? Why do I in one moment pray and ask God to heal my friend with cancer and in the next breath proclaim I need more hours at work to make this month's rent. When is the right time to rely on God and when is it non-sensible?

The answer is, friends, we have been deceived in thinking there is a dividing line or a difference. We have believed that being good people with good morals and good families makes the world go round. When our world stalls or dims or fails, we cry out to something (someone) bigger than ourselves...but when all is rosey and ripe, we bask in the beauty of being here and not there, in having and not needing, and thriving not simply surviving.

I tell you the truth, there is no difference. For the people of God, there is no difference because He has made us glad in our sorrows and humbled us in our successes. In all things and in all times and seasons we must remain true to the gospel, that we worship the God who resurrects the dead...those who walk with faces to the ground day in and day out, those who have no hope because they can no longer even hope in themselves because deep down, we all know that is the last place in which we should place any real hope.

Yes, those dividing lines are blurring. Little by little, He is showing me the truth and I am rejecting the lie that this life as usual business is really life as usual. We pray, We ask, We seek and He will do some major shading on the canvass of our hearts and minds.