why not?

a spanish red on my window seal. sip. stare. think.

i've had a hard time reflecting lately.  always something to do, to watch, to read.

phil and i've had an interesting anti-social weekend.  anti-social for phil means nothing but bourbon and books.  for me, it means sweatpants, junk food, and talking to phil.  lots of talking to phil.

poor phil.

today we attempted some 'socialization'. we went to the old port festival in portland. bad idea for this 'mood' i'm in.  lots of people.  loud.  sleazy. tasteless.  i'm such an old crotchety lady sometimes.

bumping-it music?  think again.  conversation with strangers? no thank you.  local restaurant before dining hours with candlelight, spanish flan, and a shot of espresso.  yes please.

and now we're home again.  foggy, wet, and chilly outside.  our garden grows and we check on our family of woodchucks in the backyard.

a new week is about to begin.  i start a new class this week. pharmacology.  i like to know about drugs so i'm looking forward to it.

sip. stare. shiver.

i've been thinking a lot of old friends lately.  this usually happens once a month (you know what time, ladies)  I think about mostly the good qualities.  I overemphasize the bad.

I feel like an oyster in my shell.  leave me be until the pearl is ready.

a lot of times, around this time, I feel out of control.  out of control of where I go, what I eat, and what I may say to people.  its the one out of body experience that I feel so much.  you prego and lactating ladies, enjoy your vacation from this time.


In this moment, I'm having a difficult time closing this blog.  I always hope to encourage people who read my words towards the truth of God.  alas, tonight, I feel empty.  not empty of faith. not empty of love.  just empty of 'guiding words'.  the great thing is.  I can be.  why not?

he is true all the same.  his love is real.  his word is perfect.

we don't have to keep it together and have the right insight all the time.  thats what the spirit is for.  mmm.  thats good.

*****
milkshakes for dinner, shoes scattered through-out the house, in-laws that visit, phone calls with sisters during afternoon walks, the bible on cd for my morning commute into the city, a husband with hair more beautiful than mine, being accused of being a lier when I tell the guy hitting on me at the restaurant that the empty seat belongs to my husband whose gone to the bathroom and then having to show him my gold band to convince him, gold bands that hold so much meaning, photos of my mother and grandmother, hearing the word and understanding the life that it holds, brothers and sisters that I miss when we're gone, wool socks for cold feet, long stem sunflowers in blue ceramic vases, quilts made by neighbors, pictures snapped by a friend in a foreign land, sleep that is restful and without fear, knowing that he holds me when I would drop me
******