two semesters of Nursing School down...how many do we have to go? oh yea, a few more years...
this summer has been a whirl-wind of information, emotions, lack of emotions, and identity crisis. When I thought of graduate school and becoming a Doctor (a Doctor of Nursing, mind you ;) I didn't anticipate some of the things that come with the package.
Of-course I expected a lot of technical language, and new concepts; demanding schedules and less time with friends. What I didn't expect was self-doubt, frustration with professors, loss of reflection and with it... the loss of 'self'.
yes, I said it, I feel like I've lost 'Sam' somewhere along the way in between Foundations of Nursing and Pharmacology. So much of the process of Nursing School is keeping the checklist. You put one foot in front of the other and you get through the material for the day, the week, or the test block. This approach is very present-minded (which is not always a bad thing) The problem with this approach to life is that you can become very narrow in your vision. And friends, I am many things, but narrow-visioned is one that I would never have dreamed of being! and yet, here I am to tell you, that I have become just that...narrow in my vision (more explanation to come)
This week I am on "summer vacation" That's right, summer in one week! Fall semester starts Monday. The last two days I have been in Bar Harbor, ME. I'm staying in a log cabin in the woods surrounded by lovely english gardens. This morning I pulled over on the loop trail in Acadia National Park for a hike; there were no other cars parked by the road, although that didn't necessarily mean that I would be alone on the trail but lucky for me, I was! Now I'm sitting in a coffee shop called Morning Glory (Sigh, you "Black Mountain-ers" know what I'm talking about) sipping espresso, and I'm about to move outside to pick up where I left off in Cutting for Stone.
We're starting to feel the beginnings of Hurricane Irene; there's just something about the winds of a coming storm. they wake me up early in the morning and cause me to stir.
And God knows, a good 'stirring' is just what I need.
Lovely, as usual. I know exactly what you mean about Grad school causing self-doubt, frustration, and a rocking of your image of yourself and reflection. I've gone through my fair share of all of that this year, especially the self-doubt part. Sometimes I still feel that doubt niggling in the back of my mind, but all in all, as I've come through everything I've created a new 'self'. One with different goals, different interests and passions, and a whole lot of new knowledge. But at the same time, I've been able to rediscover who 'Caitlin' is, with many of the familiar old idiosyncrasies as well.
ReplyDeleteI have no doubts that you will come through this time stronger, more knowledgeable, cleverer, and with different facets to who you are. But you will also indubitably still be the same Sam that we all know and love.
Let me be one to help encourage you in your endeavors by saying how proud I am of you, and how much I believe in you. You're already awesome, you're just sharpening and honing that awesomeness with what you do now. :)
Love.
Caitlin