the things we do...

i like to be right.  conversely, i despise being wrong. My husband and I are a lot alike in this sense (one of the few things we have in common!)

i pride myself on my intuition and insight.  my ability to 'sense' these things...

those who know me, know how ridiculously stubborn i am and how i rarely back down (not my always my best trait).  well this morning, i've realized i'm wrong more so than i wish to tell.  phil and i have been thinking and praying over upcoming trips this year.  one to mexico and one to nepal.  the trip to mexico will be roughly a week;  i found out a couple of days ago that i will be unable to go on this trip with phil because of my demanding class schedule.  needless to say, i am disappointed.   i have felt for a long time now that we shouldn't  travel internationally without one another.  i check my motives over and over again.  i wrestle with jealously and insecurity.  i fight against my ever present need to 'control' situations.

my love for phil, my love for 'experience', and my love of ultimately myself beckons these brawls in my head and in my heart.  they infect my sleep in the form of disconcerting dreams.  i can't study or think clearly until I put these things to rest.

love calls us to back down while still persisting in love.  love calls us to abandon ourselves, our pride, our agenda, and trust He who is love.  


now is not the time for 'winning' an argument or 'putting my foot down'.  now is not the time to pull the trump card, '...because you love me like Christ loves the church, you'll respect and honor my request'.

no.  now is the time to 'let go, and let God____________' (fill in the blank).  if phil is meant to go, God will make it happen.  if he is not, then God will keep this from happening.  He works in our lives in this way.  this is the God we serve.

...and these are the things we do for love.